Breathe, just breathe.

To be totally honest, my life is kicking my ass right now. I need more than twenty-four hours and a day, and more than seven days in a week to accomplish everything that I want to. I'm not happy with myself right now, and I'm so stressed out.

I have a D in Trig right now, because I didn't have the time or the desire to finish the homework. Cairns doesn't make any of us want to do the work he hands out, and as a result, there are tons of us just drowning out there. We have no clue what is going on, and our grades are reflecting that. Physics, however, is something I understand now. There's nothing there that I want to kick yet, so that's a good sign.

Cedes has been sick a lot recently; I'm worried about my best friend. ):

Chalon... Well, he's just Chalon. There's nothing I can put about him other than I adore that best friend of mine. (:

Sam and I have been better, but are fighting again. FUCK.

A few more months, and we'll have to decide some stuff about us.

Hello Blog. I've missed you.

So, honestly, I've missed writing here.

I've just been so busy with life, that my me time that I set aside so that I could think has just kinda slipped away. I'm so busy, and so stressed that I can't even think straight some days.

And it doesn't help that everyone wants to spend time with me. It's not that I don't want to spend time with them, it's more that I want time to myself again. I want my poetry back too, because I just can't write anything that's worth sharing with the world anymore, it seems. It's sad... I miss it so much. I miss my feelings being displayed on paper, so that they're released from my mind for a little while.

Comment allez-vous?

How are you?

Yes, it's a simple question to most.

However, I've been questioning my answer to this every time I say I'm good/well, or en francias, je suis bien.

Am I really?

Am I even okay anymore?

Letter Number Nineteen

Dear Person who pesters my mind; in a good way.

I think about you quite a bit, even if I don't know if you think about me too.

Just to led you know.

I have nothing else really to say to you.

Letter Number Eighteen

Dear who I want to be,

You know, there is so much that I could write here. I could say that I wish I could be stronger in mind in body. I could say that I wish I could be skinnier, prettier, and just a better person altogether. But I won't. I'm who I'm supposed to be for this moment, and I will change as I adapt to what needs to be done in my life.

Letter Number Seventeen

CODY!

You know there is so much I could say about you and I, but I don't think it needs to be said. Some of it will be though, since it's fresh on my mind. (:

There are several things I LOVE about you, but not in a romantic way:

- We can talk about LITERALLY anything.

- You don't freak when I'm driving.

- You just listen to what I want to do and go with it.

- And you're always there to hear my deepest darkest thoughts.

I've known you for far too long, but I'm glad to have you in my life.

You're one of the people that let's me know that I'm blessed.

ILY GAY BEST FRIEND WHO ISN'T REALLY GAY!

New Poem. VERY ROUGH.

This is a new one, and still really rough. I'll revise when I'm not as upset.

Tears in my eyes,

with words dying on my tongue.

This is a hard decision in my life,

but I'm still young...

Who knows if this is right,

but who knows if it's wrong?

This choice could make our future bright

or make it another sad song.

We'll just have to hope for the best

and pray for a future together.

I won't want to settle for less,

and I promise I won't if this doesn't get better.

Letter Sixteen

Dear person that doesn't live in the same state, or country. (:

Archie... There are several things I'd like to say to you, and thanks to your friend's brilliant idea, I can.

First: You're rude. And slightly bipolar I think. I mean one day you were talking to me just fine, no worries, and then you totally ignore me without a good reason. I don't care if we don't live anywhere near each other, it was stupid and mean.

Second: I really don't care if you don't talk to me, I just thought this would be a good letter to write. (:

And now, that letter was lame, but I don't care. (:

Letter Fifteen

Dear Grandpa:

I think we've been over this...

I miss you. I wish you were still here with us, still playing checkers and cracking jokes. Still "resting your eyes" in the recliner at the house in Iowa. It isn't fair that you were so sick, and taken from me so soon. I realize that you lived an extra eight years from what was thought, but still. I was eleven when you died, and I couldn't stop crying.

Every time I thought of you, I saw you laying in your hospital bed, calling out in memories as your life slipped away...

Thankfully, now, that isn't what I see when I think of my grandpa. I see your smile, and your blue eyes that never lost their spark no matter how weak you were. I love you. I miss you.

Letter Fourteen

See Letter Ten.

Letter Thirteen

I don't think I need to specify here. I've made mistakes in my life, and I've hurt people before. I know I have, and I hope that some day I'll mean something to them again.

I love you, and I know you know who I mean.

Letter Number Twelve

Dear person that has caused me the most pain:

I can't hate you. There's no way I can, because I love you. Yes, this is aimed right at my boyfriend... You've caused me a great deal of pain Sam... But you're also the only one I've let close enough to my heart to hurt me at all.

You see, I don't count losing friends, snide looks or remarks as hurting me. They might make me paranoid, or make me over think, but they do not wound my heart. They don't try to rip it apart like some of our fights almost had.

That's enough I think on this subject, or else I might start ranting.

Letter Number Eleven

Dear Grandpa:

I MISS YOU.

The End.

Letter Number Ten

Dear Amber:

I'm supposed to write to someone I don't talk to as much as I wish I did. You fit that idea pretty well.

You were my best friend for a short time, but you've made one of the biggest impacts on my life. I'm just going to state that in case you didn't know. You made more of an impact than almost anyone else, and I wouldn't be who I am today without you. Without you, I wouldn't know that I have such a strong desire to help people. And I'll be forever grateful to you for that insight. I might help so many people, and I might save so many. I've been thinking about working at a suicide hotline lately, even though the job might be heartbreaking. I might get very little thanks, but I know I want to help.

That is all because of you.

I hope I've changed your life at least a little, because you've changed mine so much.

I love you best friend, and always will.

Letter Number Nine

Dear Great Great Grandma:

You know, when I first started these letters, I thought that this letter would be to someone like the Beatles. Someone famous that I thought had had an amazing, popular life. And I do wish I had been alive during that time period, but then I couldn't have been your great great granddaughter. I wouldn't have the same name, since I wouldn't have been born to my parents, and I wouldn't share YOUR name.

Grandma, I never got to meet you, even when I was a baby. And you are my namesake... I wish I could have grown up with you around, even though you would have been very old. I wish I knew how you got the name "Delana" and what it meant. It's so hard to find a meaning for my name, and I don't know which one to take as the true meaning that was behind yours. I'd like to know one day.

I do wish I could have met you. I wish I could have gotten to know you, but that won't happen until we're both behind the Pearly Gates.

I love you. (:

Letter Eight

Dear Favorite Internet Friend:

I hope you know who you are, because I won't say your name. We talk constantly, and you're beginning to matter to me more than I thought you would. I never imagined that we could click this well, and yet we do.

We don't know much about each other, and that's for the better I think since there is the whole forty year old man creeper thing. But we're comfortable with what we do know, and I think that there has been enough said about you. Not much, but you were mentioned. ;D

Letter Seven

To My Ex-Boyfriend?

I can't really do that. (:

NEXT LETTER

Letter Six

Dear Stranger:

I obviously don't know who you are, but that doesn't mean I don't want to know you at some point. Everyone is a stranger to everyone else at some point. Making friends is what eliminates strangers in the world. I hope to some day eliminate more strangers that are around me, since you can always use more friends. They come and go, constantly, and that's what makes life exciting I think. Meeting new people and forming opinions kind of makes the world go 'round.

I know that people make snap decisions by the way you look. And I sometimes wonder what people think of me. Do they see a nerd, my pretty hair, the honey brown eyes that seem to be so unusual around here? It makes me wonder you know? If you read this, tell me what you first thought of me. Leave a comment. You can make it anonymous, I believe. I'm just curious as to what some people would see. Make yourself stay a stranger, or maybe let me know you're there and we can create a friendship I'm sure we would both love.

Letter Five

Dear Dreams:

You know, I can't remember the last time that I remembered a dream I had while I was asleep. But since it isn't specified on what sort of dreams to write about, then I'll write about my goals in life. My living dreams.

My dream for the far future, is to essentially change the world. I don't care if it's in a big way or not, I just want to help people. That's why I'm getting into this Psychology thing... I want to help those around me, or those that will be around me. Just anyone that could possibly be in danger, or someone that just needs an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

I want to be that person.

I'm actually considering working for a suicide hotline some day. I know I might not save them all, but it's the fact that I'd try. It's the fact that I want to try. I don't know that I'd want to work at a hotline for all of my life, but I'd like the experience for a bit.

To tell you the truth, I don't know what my short term dreams are. There are so many. I guess I'll just leave it at one simple idea.

My dream right now is to be a teenager.

To learn from my mistakes, and to become the person I'm meant to be.

That's all I have to say to my dreams, other than: I will achieve you.

Letter Number Four.

Dear Krystal:

It says to write to your sibling, and I just feel like I'd have more to write about you than Michael. I love him to death, but we have some stories.

Since we're six years apart, we didn't like each other at all when we were younger. I thought you were the meanest person in the world, and you thought I was an annoying brat. There's no getting around that fact! It was ridiculous how much we fought in those days, and how much we don't now. You've also mellowed out some since you had Clarice and Eli though. Now all I have to worry about is the fact that Clarice hates me when I'm around.

Truth be told, I hated you when I was little. But now, our relationship is different. We don't act as much like sisters as some families, but they don't have the history we do. But nowadays, there's no hostility here. Just teasing. And I like that a lot. I love my sister, but since you don't read this, you'll never know. ;D